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Tattling versus Reporting

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tattling-vs-reportingRecently, an elementary school sent home a flyer telling the kids they should not be a tattletale.

The whole thing turned into a PR nightmare for that school; they ended up saying that they never intended to send that home, that they don’t believe that to be true, etc.

But the thing is, kids probably weren’t the least bit shocked by what was in that flyer.

Because they believe it.

Many kids will tell you that no matter what you call it: tattletales, snitches, narcs or whatever, they will never do it because the know/fear it will:

  • Alienate their friends.
  • Make things worse.
  • Bring them harm. (There is a saying I hear around the school hallways: “Snitches get stitches” which means, “You tell on me, I will beat you up.”)

But what many kids don’t know is that telling an adult when someone is in danger SAVES LIVES.

It’s how adults find out (and can then stop) bullying.

It’s how adults find out that kids are suicidal.

So how do we make sure kids report things that are dangerous? We need to teach them the difference between tattling and reporting.

Tattling: The main intent/goal/purpose of telling an adult is just to get someone in trouble. You don’t need an adult’s help to solve the problem, the issue is unimportant and/or harmless, or it was an accident.

Reporting: The main intent/goal/purpose is to keep someone safe. You need help from an adult; the issue is important; the behavior is dangerous, illegal, etc. and the behavior is on purpose.

Let’s teach our kids the difference.


Joyce Linder is a Parenting Coach for parents of tweens/ teens, a school counselor in a middle school and a mother of two sons. Visit her on the web at www.joycelinder.net. She is also on twitter @JoyceLinder1 and on Pinterest at www.pinterest.com/joyce823


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